It’s Saturday morning and I’m curled up on my bed with a cup of coffee, and the only pressing thing I have to do today is laundry. It’s been five months since my last post. A lot of things can happen in five months. For us, one of those was that our housekeeper needed to take some time off for health reasons. We thought it would be a short term thing and she would be able to return to work, so we just tried to fill in the gaps the best we could. I know part of it too, was us being in denial about having to consider finding someone new. Marthe is older and had been telling us for a while that it was getting harder for her to do everything, but we love her so much that we didn’t want to accept that. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, and she let us know she truly couldn’t come back to work, but would help us find someone to replace her. We interviewed Mirlande last week, and this week both ladies were working together so Marthe could show her the ropes. Yesterday was her first full day on her own, and she did a fabulous job.
This is a big deal in so many ways. I’ve always struggled with the concept of having a housekeeper, because that’s not how I was raised, nor was it common for either Chris or I and most of the people we know. But, the reality is that living in Haiti is not living in Canada. In Canada our houses are closed up most of the time, so cleaning is much lighter. Here, everything is open to the elements. We also have people coming in and out of the office all day long, tracking sand and dirt from the work yard, which then moves its way into the main part of the house as we go about our days. I know some of you are probably thinking that cleaning is hard there, but we sweep and mop every other day, and when we sweep just the main floor of the house it leads to two full dustpans of dirt. From two days! We have little lizards and bugs too, and we just accept this is part of life here. All of it combined means a lot more cleaning every week. You can’t just leave it. So, we’ve been trying to balance all of the regular things along with staying on top of the house work, and it’s been a lot.
When Chris and I were first married I really wanted to do most of it, so we had someone in a few days per week to help with laundry (hand washing at the time) and going to the market. Then along came Olivia and Yonese helped with more housekeeping as my days filled up a bit more. Then I got pregnant with Alex and I remember Chris telling me that whether I was okay with it or not, Yonese was going to come 5 days a week and I would be letting her help more with the house and the baby, because my time was valuable and there were things that I could do for the mission that others couldn’t. It was about where my time was best spent, and scrubbing toilets wasn’t it. Yonese became such a vital part of the mission and our home, so when she told us she was going to visit her daughter in the US for several months we panicked a bit, but she assured us she wasn’t going to leave us hanging. She brought us Marthe, and within a few short weeks Marthe had seamlessly stepped into her role. They’re cousins, so there is relationship there, which has been a sweet gift to us.
Those two ladies have been such a huge part of our home for the past 16 years. Not only have they helped keep the house clean and functioning, enabling Chris and I to do other things, they did the majority of our market shopping every week. They prepared our guest facilities when we have visitors and would cook special meals when we asked. When we held training classes they would do all of the cooking for the students for the week. They also became like stand in grandmas/aunties for our kids. Not having them here leaves a hole, and it’s hard to open up to having someone new come into that. It feels vulnerable. So, we had put off accepting that we had to go down that road. But, it was time. I was feeling stressed all the time from having to juggle work, homeschool, all the market shopping, and housekeeping. I could do it for the short term, but looking at the long term we just knew it wasn’t sustainable.
Friends, when I walked out of the office yesterday afternoon into the main part of the house and saw how clean it was, I exhaled. It was the first time in five months that I was going into a weekend not dreading all of the cleaning I was going to have to do. The floors were done, the bathrooms were clean, the couch covers had been changed (I helped with that, but it was done!), the dishes were done and counters clear for dinner prep. So many things. It was such a gift.
As Mirlande settled in this week I feel like our apprehension started to melt away and joy started coming back. She’s kind and sweet. She smiles a lot. She arrived early and got right to work without waiting for anyone to tell her what to do. She asked questions, but also took a lot of initiative in small ways that mean a lot. The kids like her and I could see them relax and bubble up again. They’ve missed having someone here, not to do the work, but to just be part of our lives. I’m looking forward to getting to know her better and weaving her into the fabric of life here for us and the mission. A bunch of our staff already know her, which makes us happy too, because it’ll make her transition into the team that much easier.
The past few years have been really hard. So much has changed here, and it’s led to a lot of grief. If I think about this season in life grief is one of the main things I see. I was writing an update to our supporters last week and was talking about that a bit. We often associate grief with death, and don’t want to let it be part of what makes other seasons of life hard, but it is. When we lose a loved one, we expect grief, and we know it’s a process that one goes through. When difficult circumstances happen, we often tell ourselves we just have to keep going, to keep plugging away, and we don’t want to acknowledge that whatever happened might be causing us to grieve, along with having to deal with the actual situation at hand. Things can even be good, like exciting changes with jobs or life, but we still grieve the old, even sweet things in life. We don’t talk about that enough as a society, so when it comes on it’s hard to accept it and sit with it.
I’ve been trying to sit with it, acknowledge it, and feel it. Cry if needed. And ask what can’t ben changed, and what I might be able to do something about. And prayer. Asking God to let me feel all of it, but to also keep my heart soft and bring hope. I feel it brewing, and that brings comfort.
So what does grief have to do with a new housekeeper? It’s acknowledging that life is full of seasons and change. Nothing ever stays the same. We can settle into routines and what not, but eventually things shift. We can hold on tight and not want to let go, doing a lot of kicking and screaming and probably living in denial while we do, or we can slowly take a breath, and exhale, and take the next step even if it’s a hard one.
I don’t want to accept that life is changing, it’s moving on, and people get older and can’t do the things they once did. That it means saying goodbye to dearly loved employees who have been so much a part of our life here. Doing that means accepting that we’re also getting older, my kids are getting older, and that life is a bit fragile. But in the end, I don’t have a choice. So I can grieve it and feel it, and then ask what I can do to make the best of the situation. For me that means accepting that it’s a reality, and that I can’t sustainably do all the things myself and still be happy and the person I know God has called me to be. I can’t be the wife I’m meant to be, the mom I’m meant to be, or use my gifts and abilities for the mission and my family the way I’m meant to if I’m feeling pulled in too many directions at once.
None of us were ever meant to do all the things. We need to be able to recognize our limitations and ask for help. I’m also being reminded of the fact that here, that asking for help can lead to beautiful things. It brings another sense of community to our family and the mission, and allows us to participate in Haitian culture more. But it also brings employment and some stability to another family, and right now that’s a really important thing because nothing in Haiti feels stable.
One of the things that I love about living this life is that God is constantly teaching me that while he may have called us here to lead in many ways, much of that leadership is really about learning. It’s learning about ourselves and when we need help, when we need community, when we need to be part of the body that he created. And it’s such a gift.
So yes, there is ministry in clean floors, and it’s okay to know that I need someone else to help care for me this way. :)
I love to hear from you! Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.