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Week One In the Books

Whew! Yesterday was the end of week 1 of our Whole 30. In case you missed it, I shared about Whole 30 and why we’re doing it in my last blog post. If you haven’t read that yet, you might want to pop over there first so the rest of this makes sense.

I thought about waiting until the end to give you a run down of how things went for us, how we got ready for it etc, but that seems like it would either be an overwhelming amount of information, or that I would end up trying to cram a lot into one post and not really get into anything of depth, which is what I’m trying to avoid these days. So, real time updates is what you’re getting!

I will be completely honest here – yesterday and today have been the hardest days so far for me. But, after reading up on other people’s experiences with this I know this is normal. This is the point in the cycle where the newness rubs off, you get sick of eating eggs (oh, the eggs!), and you just feel more cranky. That said, I do also see that I’m feeling better in some ways, so that’s helping to push through. And you know what? While it might make me want to whine and cry because I can’t have what I really want right now, it’s not hard.

If you read any amount of Whole 30 anything, at some point you’re going to come across the statement “Whole 30 isn’t hard. Drinking your coffee black isn’t hard. Fighting cancer is hard.” When I read that it made me stop in my tracks and think of all the excuses I’d given myself in the past for why I packed it in when I was trying to take care of my health, and I decided right then and there that I was going to do this. It’s 30 days. You can do anything for 30 days. Except not drink water. That you can’t not do for 30 days.

So, here we are with week 1 under our belts, and I’m feeling somewhat cranky, especially later in the day, like I want to take a nap, and like I want to rub my face in bread or cupcakes. And you know what I had to do today? Bake cupcakes. And then put frosting on them.

Before you go telling me that I didn’t have to, let me assure you that I did. You see, for many years we’ve done staff birthdays, because it’s a way to let our staff know that we love them and appreciate them and because birthday cakes are a big deal here. So, whenever we have a staff birthday, on the next payday when we’ll all be together for a few minutes while the guys get paid, we do cake. Today was that day, and I couldn’t say to the one worker who just happens to be Mr. January in the birthday rotation, that he wasn’t getting cake because it would mean I wanted to rub my face in it and cry. Nope.

So I put on my big girl britches and made those darn cupcakes. And then I made the frosting. And I iced them all, put on some sprinkles and then let them sit on our table for a good two hours before they were given out.

And, just in case that wasn’t enough torture, you know what’s next week? Olivia’s birthday. You know what that means? Yes. More cake. Because I don’t think it’s fair to tell my sweet daughter that she can’t have a treat on her birthday because her parents aren’t eating sugar or grains or dairy or any of the things that make a cake taste so dang good.

Here’s the thing about Whole 30 – planning makes all the difference. Before we started I spent several days getting things ready so we had good food on hand and in easy access. But, it’s not just food prep that requires planning. You also have to have a plan for what you’ll do in difficult situations when you know the food in front of you isn’t what you’re supposed to be eating.

For the record, because I’m really proud of myself, I made 29 cupcakes today. Then I made cream cheese icing. I counted out 15 cupcakes and two for our kids, then the rest went in a freezer bag and were put in the freezer. I iced the 17 cupcakes and put the rest of the icing in the freezer. In this whole process I didn’t lick a single drop of cake batter or icing. I didn’t lick a finger. I tasted none of it.

You want to talk about hard things? Yeesh.

Next week for Olivia’s birthday I’ll pull out the extra cupcakes and icing, frost them, sprinkle them, and then let her and her friends have a little party in the yard. Where I don’t have to watch them eat them. Because, torture.

I was able to do it because I had spent a lot of time thinking about it and how to do everything so that it was as easy as possible. There were times where it was really tempting to lick my finger rather than wipe it on the cloth, but in the big picture I really want to give this a chance without compromising the results by giving in just once to sugar, because it can affect cravings an all that. It’s only 30 days.

So, in case you were wondering if this Whole 30 thing is actually doable, it is. Even when it’s hard.

On the upside, after just one week aside from my lower back pain being almost completely gone, I’ve also noticed:

~I have fewer energy slumps
~My joints are all moving better in general
~I’m sleeping better

What’s Hard, What’s Easy(er)

If you’ve decided to look into Whole 30 and are thinking you might be interested in trying it, here are some things that I did to get ready that might be helpful, and things that have definitely made it easier for us to do.

Know why you want to do it. Seriously. Take the time to read up on it. Buy one of the books (I recommend It Starts With Food). Write some things down. I took the time after deciding that were were going to do it, but before we started, to write a personal inventory of where my health was at. I went through everything from physical outside appearance (weight, skin, hair condition etc.), physical inside (digestion, joints, aches & pains…), sleep, emotional, etc and just made bullet notes of how I was really feeling in all areas. The Whole 30 website has a downloadable sheet you can print off to use after you’re done to measure what they call “non scale victories”, because this isn’t about losing weight. It’s about getting healthy.

This was really helpful for me, and I think it’s helped me stay focused in the past week when I’ve gotten overwhelmed or frustrated. I can stop and remember ALL the reasons why I want to do this. I figure that if going through this process shows me that something I’m eating is causing inflammation that is leading to chronic joint pain, and that’s something I can eliminate, then why wouldn’t I want to spend 30 days figuring that out so the rest of my life can be better? It’s really a small investment.

Read the scienc-ey stuff. If you read It Starts With Food (or the other Whole 30 stuff) they mention that you can skip the “scienc-ey stuff” and just go right to the eating plan of Whole 30. I recommend that you don’t skip it. I’m not a big science type, but it was definitely worth it to read through this section because they’re really good at explaining, in layman’s terms, how your body processes sugar and what happens when things are off kilter from stress (which includes a lot of things) and poor eating habits. It was eye opening to me, and there were times where I was literally saying “Yes! This is me!”. It made sense for the first time ever. Chris felt the same way. We both got so much out of it, and have spent a lot of time talking about it. The thing I really appreciate about this is that it isn’t just a theory or an idea of eliminating one food group or anything like that. It’s based on a lot of medical research about how the body uses sugar and nutrients, what happens when the body is taxed, and how that can lead to unhealthy eating patterns. Honestly, it’s fascinating to me, and it’s a lot of stuff that I had already heard before, just solidly presented in a way that makes sense, like “if you do A, then B will happen”.

Food prep, food prep, food prep. I can’t say this enough. Take the time to really prepare your kitchen like they recommend in everything you’ll read. It makes a big difference. If you keep non-essential food in your fridge that is going to be a temptation, it will be a temptation. Take the time to stock up on good food, and then do a bit of work to have it ready to go. I cut up veggies and had them all separated in containers. I cooked some taco meat and some chicken and had those in containers for throwing in eggs or salads. I boiled up a bunch of eggs so they could be grabbed as easy snacks. I clarified butter. I bought olive oil. I made homemade salad dressing and put a jar in the fridge. I made homemade mayo. For those of you in the first world with access to stores that sell stuff like this (mayo, ghee/clarified butter) you’re lucky, but you don’t have to buy it. Honestly, making homemade mayo takes maybe 10 minutes. Look up recipes on Pinterest and experiment. You might actually have fun.

The biggest thing is to do a bit of work to have good food available, especially for the first couple of weeks. When you’re feeling cranky and hating the world as your body regulates, you are not going to want to take the time to peel a carrot or boil eggs, then you’ll make excuses about why you should give up. Make it hard for yourself to give up.

Make sure you eat enough at meals. This is one that both Chris and I have had to learn. One of the mentalities that we’ve all been taught when trying to lose weight or eat better is that less is more. But, this changes when you’re eating good food. When you’re only putting food in that is full of nutrients, and not preservatives, sugar or processed carbs, your body will use it. Eat until you’re pleasantly full, and make sure that you’re eating enough protein, because that will help fight cravings. Chris has especially struggled with this, but in the process realized that he was essentially grazing all day, and not always because he was hungry.

Have someone to talk to about it. It’s definitely been a huge thing to be talking about this with Chris and for us to be doing it together. We’re both noticing different things. We both have hard days and moments. We’re both learning things about our bodies and things like cravings and eating habits. It’s helping us make some decisions about how we want to nourish our family in the future, and we’re only a week in. Definitely try to find someone you can talk about it with, especially for days that are hard. Even better, find a buddy to do it with, so you can help each other out.

Read up on what to expect. As your body adjusts to not having certain things, you’re going to feel a lot of things. It’s really helpful to read up on the Whole 30 Timeline – a run down of what stages many people have reported going through. For myself, much is true, while other things haven’t been an issue, or are slightly off. But, they tell you that not everyone is the same and that some people take much longer because of their previous relationship with food. Take time to read about others experiences with Whole 30, even the bad ones. One thing I quickly realized when I was reading criticism of Whole 30 is that most people fell into one of the following categories:

  1. Already had a specific food situation that they were trying to make work, such as being a vegetarian.
  2. Didn’t do enough research to really know what they were committing to.
  3. Didn’t do enough planning, so they really struggled then gave up.
  4. Didn’t go all the way. A lot of people who quit do so before the two week mark, or right around it, when their bodies were still trying to regulate (read point 2).

 

The more you know about what to anticipate, the better you can prepare. Chris and I were able to remind each other that we were going to have cranky days so we needed to give each other an extra measure of grace.

I’m going to stop there for now. There will be more to share. At the very least, I wanted to put this out there for anyone who might be interested. It was really helpful for me to read about other people’s experiences. :)

~Leslie

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January 13, 2017 No Comments

2017

I’m sitting at the peninsula in our kitchen, what has become one of my favorite places to write. It’s in the middle of everything, so you would think that it would be distracting, but I think sitting alone in the office gets on my nerves after a while, then I get to be hard to live with, if you know what I mean.

We’ve come off a great Christmas break and are well into a new year. What do you think it’s going to hold for you?

For me? I really have no idea. I mean, I know about some things, like planned trips, work, school… the usual. But I don’t know what to anticipate as far as the deeper things go. I don’t believe in making resolutions because I don’t think they’re manageable or realistic. Goals are okay too, but so often life doesn’t happen the way you would like it to, and it can get so discouraging to look back and realize you’re nowhere near where you thought you would be.

When I look at this year I see myself working through some things. Growing. Hopefully.

One of the first is this space. You’ve probably noticed that I haven’t written a whole lot in the past year. I kept telling myself it was because I was too busy, didn’t know what to write about, etc. But, in truth there are always blog post ideas running through my head. I do feel inspired. Yes, I am busy, but I do crave the writing.

I’ve been thinking about this off and on for months, and today it finally hit me. I haven’t been writing a lot because I was trying to be something that I’m not. I read a lot of blogs, and in honesty, most of them are light, home decor type places to spend time in. I think it’s because life can feel heavy or overwhelming here much of the time, and that’s where I escape to. And that’s fine. But, I started wanting to write like that. The problem is that it doesn’t come naturally to me. I kept thinking I needed to put more pictures in my posts, and if I couldn’t do that then there was no point in writing. I stepped away from our Rollings In Haiti blog because I didn’t want the blog to be all about that, but in doing so I stepped too far away from daily life. The bottom line is that I wasn’t writing like me. The posts that I truly loved writing were the ones where I just shared what was on my heart or mind. Some of that is just life in general. Some of it is about Haiti. There might be a recipe thrown in there every once in a while. I went back and read my very first blog post this afternoon, then several others. Did you know that I’ve been writing online for 11 1/2 years? That seems crazy to me.

So, this is what I want for myself in this area this year – to write more, and to write about the things I love, just because I want to. To step away from that “blogger” mentality where posts need to look a certain way and just be me. I know that’s what you really want anyway, because that’s what you respond to and engage with. That’s the reason my Dad asks me when I’m going to write a book every time I go home. That’s why it’s not satisfying to a post about certain things. Reading through some of my old posts reminded me of how beautiful and simplistic the process used to be for me. I just wrote. Sometimes there were pictures, and most times there weren’t. If you want to go and read any of those posts you can by visiting our old blog. One of the things that struck me is how much of a journal it was of our family’s life, and how much I’ve missed that, or just highlighting a thought that runs through my mind or sharing an experience from the day to day. So, more that.

In that vein of thought (you know the one about just being me and sharing things that are actually happening), Chris and I are doing the Whole 30 right now.

What? What is this Whole 30 thing?

Well, it’s basically a diet reset. For 30 days you take dairy, grains, legumes, preservatives and sugar out of your diet, then after the 30 days you systematically reintroduce them to see how you feel. All of these foods can cause inflammation in your body, which does crazy other things, as well as throwing off how your body processes sugar and fat. It’s basically getting back to eating whole, unprocessed food like people did 100 years ago. It sounds a bit drastic and when I first heard about it I thought no way. It seemed scary and like too much.

Before I share about how it’s going, let me tell you why I’m doing it.

First, as you know, my weight has been an issue for a long time, and I’ve tried a variety of things to get that down. And each time it’s been a huge struggle for me. I would do well for a while, but then would get discouraged and give up. It’s hard to look at a life ahead of you with always having to track everything you eat, and when you don’t you feel guilty and like crap. That was my cycle.

In the past two years or so I’ve been struggling in other areas too. Just not feeling like myself, being tired all the time, cranky more than I was happy, very emotional (I’ve always been a cryer, but this was getting ridiculous) and my joints were aching and I just felt bad all the time. For years I’ve attributed all this to being overweight, and I think it’s definitely part of it.

I’ve repeatedly asked myself if other things could be causing the symptoms, but then it felt like a cop out. I should be able to control this, right? Hm. Just before Christmas break a few pieces came together for me. They had sort of been formulating for a while, but one night I sat down with Chris and talked about all of it and it made sense. I should back up a bit here…

Aside from the stuff I just mentioned, there’s a key factor, which is that starting in 2008 and going until about 2012 or so we were under excessive stress. I’m not talking our water pipes burst and we need to fix them kind of stress, I’m talking about the kind of stress that gets classified as chronic. In late 2008 I had a miscarriage. In the early part of 2009 the mission was the victim of an arson attack and we were sent death threats, and we knew who was responsible. About two years of legal issues came with that one and the overall feeling of not feeling safe or relaxed in your own home. We were in the process of doing an adoption. There was an earthquake. We had new volunteers join us that ended up causing a ton of problems that led to a split within our organization and the years of rebuilding. We finished our adoption. I got pregnant and had a baby.

In the middle of that time period we were able to take a 4 month sabbatical and we were very intentional about getting counseling. I remember our first session with our counselor, after we had given her the run down of everything we’d been dealing with to that point, and she looked at us and said, “Wow. No wonder you guys are needing help. Any one of those things would have been enough trauma to cause PTSD in the average person, and you’ve been carrying all of it and are still functioning incredibly well.” And then she ordered full physicals for us both.

You see the connection there? Our trained counselor ordered blood work because she knew that stress causes havoc on the body. Excessive stress? Even more havoc.

Over the years I gradually gained more weight and it was natural to completely blame myself. Recently though I started to realize that I can’t look at just one part of things, I have to look at the big picture. When I do that I have to acknowledge that the stress of life has caused side effects for me. Yes, weight gain is part of that, but so is mild depression, and my body just not functioning properly. And each thing affects the other.

I’ve been looking at ways to take better care of myself, and talking to a few people here in Haiti, but it’s a slow process because resources are limited. The other day Chris and I had a big heart to heart about things and while I felt raw, there was a desire to do something different this time. I knew I would just keep struggling with the cycle if I kept trying the things that I had been. A bit later in the day I was just scrolling through Pinterest and Whole 30 popped into my head. I knew it was a book and an eating plan, like a cleanse. I looked it up on Amazon, read a bunch of reviews, found the website and it all just came together together. Where I had thought no way before, I was thinking yes.

I bought It Starts With Food for my Kindle and started reading. And then I started researching some more. And then I decided that yes, I was going to do this. Chris started noticing I was looking at stuff and asked what was up, so I explained. He offered to do it with me as an encouragement. I told him that he needed to read the book before he fully committed so he knew what he was getting himself into. He got into it and all of the sudden our conversations started changing and we realized that this wasn’t just a me issue, but that we had both developed a lot of food issues and that many of them had been amplified by all the stress we’d been through. The book goes into the science behind how our bodies process food, and what happens under chronic stress and other things like that. For the first time everything clicked for me and I realized that no matter how hard I tried on my own to keep doing the things I had been, I would never really fully get there because my body is broken right now, and it needs to get better.

So, last Friday Chris and I started Whole 30. And you know what, we’re already both feeling better. Within two days of not having grains of any kind in my system my back pain was gone. This is a huge deal for me because every single night I was waking up multiple times because I hurt so bad. I had always attributed it to weight gain but now I can see that it’s related to what I’ve been eating. Chris has chronic acid reflux and daily takes 2 Nexium antacid pills. In less than a week his acid reflux has noticeably gone down and he’s only been taking 1 pill. We’re both excited to see how we’ll be feeling three weeks from now, and what foods are triggers for us when we reintroduce things.

So, that’s a big deal for us right now and honestly, something that is shaping so much of what I’m thinking about these days. For so long I’ve lived under the weight of, well, my weight. It’s so freeing to know that there are other reasons for why I’m the weight I am right now, other than just eating too much. Whole 30 works to address not just what you’re eating, but also why. Why do we snack when we do? Is is stress? What are the triggers? Late night snacking? Hmmm. It’s really fascinating, and I’ve already learned so much in just a week. The best part is that while I’ve been occasionally hungry, the cravings haven’t been too bad, and I’m learning why I want to eat when I do, and what I really need to eat in those moments. You know what else is amazing? Eating a delicious meal and actually stopping when I feel full and not eating with my head because I tell myself that it’s just so good and of course I want more (because your body using sugar the wrong way will do this to you).

I’m looking forward to sharing more as the month progresses, and especially after we’re done. It’s like a big old science experiment! And there’s no calorie counting or points or special medicine or… you get the idea. It’s freeing and I’m feeling so good so far.

 

~Leslie

 

 

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January 11, 2017 No Comments

O Holy Night

I thought my post yesterday was going to be my last, but there are words inside and they want out, so I’m writing.

Yesterday’s post was a nice share, but I think there are times when I write and I write around the real feelings. Not because I’m trying to hide from them or push them away, but because they’re still hovering on the outskirts not quite ready to become something.

This Christmas has felt more special to me, and I think it’s a lot of things, and yet one thing. While I’m loving the fact that our kids are at an age where they’re older, they still aren’t so old that the magical part of Christmas is lost on them. They’re excited and the anticipation for all the things is mounting every day. By nature I want to push for perfect and tidy, but having a family that is real pushes against all that, so I’m learning to embrace things and chill out and not have the wrong kinds of expectations and focus all my attention on that. I don’t want to miss things. I want to savor these moments with our kids because I know they’ll fly by and it will feel like it’s all happened in the blink of an eye.

So this season I have found myself trying to slow down and savor. It’s been pleasantly full of all the good things. Time with friends and celebrating birthdays, crafting things, and just sitting around on our squishy couches talking about life. I’ve baked things, both on my own and with the kids. I’ve had fun wrapping gifts and writing out Christmas cards. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed all of it.

But, deep down, there is this other thing. At first I wondered if it was sadness, and while there might be little bits and pieces of that because of missing family and knowing we have to carve our own path here, it wasn’t all that. As I started paying more attention, and listening to friends, I realized it’s weariness. The weariness of just doing life in general. Of knowing the things that go on out there and hurting for those around the world. Of feeling like life can just be heavy at times. In fact, I sat in Bible study with a group of amazing women, and as we shared prayer requests earlier this week I looked around the room and said, “I feel like we’re all just a little bit weary right now.”

My favorite Christmas song, hands down, is O Holy Night. And while some people might enjoy it because it’s calm and lovely, I love it because the words carve themselves into my heart.

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour’s birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O’er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

When I let those words get into the cracks of my soul I’m reminded of what this day, and the one to follow it, are truly all about. This world is weary. We are tired. We are needing more. We are trying to do all the things and have all the fun, but at the core we are tired.

So many Christmases have gone by where I get through it all and feel like I’ve missed something. And I feel sad. But, this year feels different.

I think having kids, if we stop and let it, helps us to see the world differently. We have been so completely blessed with two amazing kids with big and very different personalities. Olivia is the dramatic one, in good and trying ways. She feels things deep and big and is very expressive. Alex, Alex is the thinker-feeler-compliment giver. He’s Mr. Enthusiasm for everything. He shares love in a big way. He gives out compliments when you most need them. He sees things in the world around him that most don’t even notice.

This Christmas has felt different because while I am keenly aware that the world really does feel weary, I also have a son who is soaking up the Christmas story and pondering it and letting it rest in his heart. Chris and I have commented a lot recently on how theological Alex has gotten, both in his questions about life, and in his dinner time prayers. The kids go to a Christian school, and his teacher, Miss Erica, has been walking them through the story of Jesus’ birth for the past two months, in anticipation of the day we celebrate it.

This week all of that thinking and pondering became a conversation and the conversation became the prayer of a 5 year olds heart as he thanked God for sending His Son to earth, so we can have life. Chris got to have that conversation and time with Olivia about a year ago, and as I sat with Alex the other night, first wondering if he really understood what we were talking about, then listening as he prayed all on his own without my prompting, I was reminded what “faith like a child” really means. While tears streamed down my face because of the decision to accept the gift God had given him, I was also reminded that this was why.

This was why we celebrate.

I think we like to talk about why we celebrate Christmas, but often we do it lightly. It gets mashed in there with the gatherings and gifting and merry making. But deep down we’re still feeling weariness, because the world is weary.

We’re all waiting and hoping for something more.

The beautiful thing is that it is there. There is more. This day, Christmas Eve, is when the healing came to us. Jesus was born, so we could be healed, forgiven, and restored.

Sit in that for a minute.

…the weary world REJOICES, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn…

I realized that the reason that I love O Holy Night so much is because it is the Gospel. It is the story of Jesus coming to us, and the hope that he brings. It’s the story of love that breaks down barriers and heals the world.

This Christmas is meaning more to me, because while I see and feel the weariness of the world, I am also sitting in anticipation. Yes, I’m excited about seeing Christmas through the eyes of my kids, and sharing this time with friends we dearly love here, but more than that I’ve realized that I’m feeling the hope that Jesus brought. The hope that there is more.

For my whole life I’ve thought that Christmas day was the big deal day, but I’m starting to love the anticipation of Christmas Eve more because it reminds me of how the world waited in anticipation of God’s next move, and I’m reminded that He likes to do things in ways that force us to stop and stand in awe. Like sending a baby.

Yesterday Alex told us that he thought we should have 15 Christmas Eve’s. I know that his comment came from a place of knowing that he gets to open one gift on Christmas Eve, and if there were 15 Christmas Eve’s he could just keep opening a gift a day, but it made me stop and think. He’s so excited about Christmas that he wants to savor it and cherish that one gift, that experience of opening it. He’s waiting in anticipation and in his 5 year old mind, that is amazing.

My prayer for you this Christmas is that in the midst of all the merriment, you’ll be able to stop and sit in the love that God has for you, and that the true reason for the celebration this year will settle into your heart.

And most of all, that you’ll wait in anticipation and feel the hope that this night brings with it.

~Leslie

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December 24, 2016 2 Comments
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I’m Leslie. I started my blog back in 2005 when I was fresh off the plane in Haiti. I lived in Haiti for over 17 years as a missionary, wife, and eventually mom. My husband and I ran Clean Water for Haiti together, day in and day out. We carved out a life we loved doing something important to us. Sadly, in the fall of 2022 we had to make the difficult decision to leave Haiti because of the insecurity. We’re now settling into life in the US. I’m thankful that I get to continue my work with CWH as the Executive Director for Canada and the US.

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© 2025 — Leslie Rolling