O Holy Night
I thought my post yesterday was going to be my last, but there are words inside and they want out, so I’m writing.
Yesterday’s post was a nice share, but I think there are times when I write and I write around the real feelings. Not because I’m trying to hide from them or push them away, but because they’re still hovering on the outskirts not quite ready to become something.
This Christmas has felt more special to me, and I think it’s a lot of things, and yet one thing. While I’m loving the fact that our kids are at an age where they’re older, they still aren’t so old that the magical part of Christmas is lost on them. They’re excited and the anticipation for all the things is mounting every day. By nature I want to push for perfect and tidy, but having a family that is real pushes against all that, so I’m learning to embrace things and chill out and not have the wrong kinds of expectations and focus all my attention on that. I don’t want to miss things. I want to savor these moments with our kids because I know they’ll fly by and it will feel like it’s all happened in the blink of an eye.
So this season I have found myself trying to slow down and savor. It’s been pleasantly full of all the good things. Time with friends and celebrating birthdays, crafting things, and just sitting around on our squishy couches talking about life. I’ve baked things, both on my own and with the kids. I’ve had fun wrapping gifts and writing out Christmas cards. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed all of it.
But, deep down, there is this other thing. At first I wondered if it was sadness, and while there might be little bits and pieces of that because of missing family and knowing we have to carve our own path here, it wasn’t all that. As I started paying more attention, and listening to friends, I realized it’s weariness. The weariness of just doing life in general. Of knowing the things that go on out there and hurting for those around the world. Of feeling like life can just be heavy at times. In fact, I sat in Bible study with a group of amazing women, and as we shared prayer requests earlier this week I looked around the room and said, “I feel like we’re all just a little bit weary right now.”
My favorite Christmas song, hands down, is O Holy Night. And while some people might enjoy it because it’s calm and lovely, I love it because the words carve themselves into my heart.
O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour’s birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O’er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
When I let those words get into the cracks of my soul I’m reminded of what this day, and the one to follow it, are truly all about. This world is weary. We are tired. We are needing more. We are trying to do all the things and have all the fun, but at the core we are tired.
So many Christmases have gone by where I get through it all and feel like I’ve missed something. And I feel sad. But, this year feels different.
I think having kids, if we stop and let it, helps us to see the world differently. We have been so completely blessed with two amazing kids with big and very different personalities. Olivia is the dramatic one, in good and trying ways. She feels things deep and big and is very expressive. Alex, Alex is the thinker-feeler-compliment giver. He’s Mr. Enthusiasm for everything. He shares love in a big way. He gives out compliments when you most need them. He sees things in the world around him that most don’t even notice.
This Christmas has felt different because while I am keenly aware that the world really does feel weary, I also have a son who is soaking up the Christmas story and pondering it and letting it rest in his heart. Chris and I have commented a lot recently on how theological Alex has gotten, both in his questions about life, and in his dinner time prayers. The kids go to a Christian school, and his teacher, Miss Erica, has been walking them through the story of Jesus’ birth for the past two months, in anticipation of the day we celebrate it.
This week all of that thinking and pondering became a conversation and the conversation became the prayer of a 5 year olds heart as he thanked God for sending His Son to earth, so we can have life. Chris got to have that conversation and time with Olivia about a year ago, and as I sat with Alex the other night, first wondering if he really understood what we were talking about, then listening as he prayed all on his own without my prompting, I was reminded what “faith like a child” really means. While tears streamed down my face because of the decision to accept the gift God had given him, I was also reminded that this was why.
This was why we celebrate.
I think we like to talk about why we celebrate Christmas, but often we do it lightly. It gets mashed in there with the gatherings and gifting and merry making. But deep down we’re still feeling weariness, because the world is weary.
We’re all waiting and hoping for something more.
The beautiful thing is that it is there. There is more. This day, Christmas Eve, is when the healing came to us. Jesus was born, so we could be healed, forgiven, and restored.
Sit in that for a minute.
…the weary world REJOICES, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn…
I realized that the reason that I love O Holy Night so much is because it is the Gospel. It is the story of Jesus coming to us, and the hope that he brings. It’s the story of love that breaks down barriers and heals the world.
This Christmas is meaning more to me, because while I see and feel the weariness of the world, I am also sitting in anticipation. Yes, I’m excited about seeing Christmas through the eyes of my kids, and sharing this time with friends we dearly love here, but more than that I’ve realized that I’m feeling the hope that Jesus brought. The hope that there is more.
For my whole life I’ve thought that Christmas day was the big deal day, but I’m starting to love the anticipation of Christmas Eve more because it reminds me of how the world waited in anticipation of God’s next move, and I’m reminded that He likes to do things in ways that force us to stop and stand in awe. Like sending a baby.
Yesterday Alex told us that he thought we should have 15 Christmas Eve’s. I know that his comment came from a place of knowing that he gets to open one gift on Christmas Eve, and if there were 15 Christmas Eve’s he could just keep opening a gift a day, but it made me stop and think. He’s so excited about Christmas that he wants to savor it and cherish that one gift, that experience of opening it. He’s waiting in anticipation and in his 5 year old mind, that is amazing.
My prayer for you this Christmas is that in the midst of all the merriment, you’ll be able to stop and sit in the love that God has for you, and that the true reason for the celebration this year will settle into your heart.
And most of all, that you’ll wait in anticipation and feel the hope that this night brings with it.
~Leslie